What’s one positive trait you’ve gained because of BPD?
13.06.2025 11:19
One women pretended to my husband she wanted to see me for coffee ,and make friends.
I got to know the terrible awful childhood, he had himself. And his Jolly Pub Persona.
Anyway, i told my husband ,and he was gobsmacked.
But im a psyci anyway, and i read energy and people, .
Yes, a stroke or heart attack is the reason on your death certificate.
We wern’t close any more, the family fractured, after my Mothers death, and seeing me annoyed them ,as i was the familys scapegoat..
What do most wives fantasize about?
But it has taught me many things other people will , never know!
She wouldn,t have been !
My dad was a alcholic psychopath, and violent in the extreme.
Why are black people harassed more by police officers?
He was dying to do it , i knew.
And ive living now since 2005, on disablement .(Which is a pittance)
Im a true spealist, because i study it for years .And i still do..
We didn’t no it wasn;t normal life..we were isolated, and taken from Dublin in Ireland ,where our whole mothers family lived , to Liverpool in England!
My life is so biszare .
I have no regrets .
They look at me amazed ,and ask me how i could possibly know it?
19 years ,i spent with dear old papa.
I am a twin , my twin is a boy called Alan. I had a sister and 2 other brothers
What are the best ways to treat seasonal allergies?
And, all my friends down the years ,where users.
And as she herself ,wasn’t kissed or touched as a child.
Took her away on holiday ,with us, my 2 pugs her dog, a Jack Russell.
I want to touch my sister’s boobs. What do I say?
I had many talking therapys , but they just don,t work.
You don’ t get a state one here , in England ? until your at least 67 yrs old ! Im 63.
But he said ,he was sick of her anyway ,and only put up with her as i had a friend ,and seemed to be happy.
What is the difference between the Bible and the Qur'an?
Like some twisted love , they where addicted to each other
But there where , these other acts only us 2 girls, would receive, (When id have rather had his lump hammer , and chisel.).
Who then, do I blame.?
If a narcissist can't feel remorse, can they ever feel regret for an evil act after going to rehab?
The only way to get rid of it forgood ,is sommence therapy,
As his daughter ,he didn’t even think I wouldn,t do it. (Look after him)
And i know him well ,and every thing about him. This relationship, is the only real one iIve been able to keep!
What do all Indian parents have in common?
Although he,d calmed down a bit ..he still shouted his orders at me and thought , my older sister would be better at the job..
The only rule us 5 kids had .
As is all addictions, people can’t leave off.
How do I seduce a maid for sex?
We all went to grammer schools
I did it because my mum asked me too!
Your thinking ,but those kids would have been street wise?
How do police officers feel about the fear they instill into criminals?
When he wanted one of his lessons to be taught!
But ive been too sick for many years..
My place (mostly )was the coal hole..it was a small room heaped with coal .
Why am I sweating so much when I try to do anything?
I had hoped to write a book about this .
But i am married 43 years to my husband this July !
The same beautiful brown eyes my mother loved so much!
Thats being isolated in a house, locked up as a child .We never saw any people except in School and we had no relatives in Liverpool!
I never cut or harmed myself..
But im an empath, and i help lots of people.
BPD only comes to a person who has suffered childhood trauma.
With Catholic nuns and Church on Sundays.
The apprentership one gets in Extreme Big T Trauma childhood is insight and extreme awarness.
But i went to school ,and was locked up evey evening , until he was off out on a bender..then mum would set us free, and we,d be bouncing off the walls,
One cannot live in the past .
One cannot hold on to bitterness.
He’d sit me down, and stand behind the chair, Then he’d make a great show of his beauty (the chesil )and place it behind my neck ,at the base!
Im still living with it.
At this time i had honed my heart to the same, as that of a lion and i knew i wouldn’t beg or cry ,nor plead.
I don,t even have a pension.
So he went home with my mum to her 2 other children.
But my sister and my other 3 brothers wouldn’t have come near him every again!
As she had lost her son ,to fatty liver disease!
His mum and dad ,were Alcoholics!
My familys so full of ancestral BIG T Trauma.
I did write a poem about him though, and my mum.
They are buried together, in the same grave..
He said i reminded him of an old aunt ,who used to beat him, and when the menapause came, she was placed in a mental home and never was released ,until she died.
I was writing from the time i was a small child.
One of his many names for me was Runt .He like that it rhymed with (well you know)
Why do we forgive? Because if we don,t
But im dying ,and its too late for me.
Comes on , in middle age.
Why did i forgive my father ?
I do have abandomment issues but they come from being left alone ,without my mum, or any of my family in a incubator for 4 months.
When she asked me how she looked .
Its like, taking poison, and hoping the other person will die.
Trauma never leaves you! Its actually lives in the fashia ,of the body .The connective tissue.
Im constanly in a state of FLIGHT or FIGHT my whole life
I forgave my father,, and in those years i cleaned and looked after him .
She married twice! .
So whats the point in blame.
But, we were locked up after school.
You’d think that being brought up for so long, in those terrible circumsatances ,i would know the ways of people ,and the world, but i wasn,t in , nor of the world .
(And it was in our own minds.)
But people really die of the Big T Trauma!!
Rather to engertic for me ,with my terrible health, but i was left to run the house, it was a Cottage in Dorset.
This is soul school!.
I was very sick at this time too.
I of course replied” arh beautiful!
Thats was my nicest nick name for him
I let him have the joy of his friends( that i would never know myself.!)
Stress hormones Adrenaline and Cortosol ,would have flooded my brain, and they never left it!!!!
He had many friends, who didn,t know the home devil he was, for his sake ,i never enlighted them either.
His abuse (his own) began at 2 years of age. His mothers friend, sexually abused him, from the age of 2.
Why ? because Trauma depletes the immune system.you get terribley ill , with chronic disease from all the horror ,and stress of it.
I suffer greatly, because of BPD..
Insight, and i can spot a wrongin from 3 miles away.
On the 31st of Jan this month .
Trauma lives in the body, as ive explained, but it actually this that kills you in the end.
Im kind ,and give many things, inc money ,to any of persons in need. I have a groups of homeless beggars ..i help out daily. They all know me by name!
So, i spoilt her more .
I was seconnd youngest,
Everytime, i saw a chronically ill person in middle years.
Its mostly always from childhood abuse .
One was a lump hammer, another was a iron chisel.
She said her life with him ,was love, and spoke to me of all the passion, it had brought her.
I waited trembling.
And when you live in a life , of being terrified, and shocked, and permantly stressed; especially as a child born in to all this .
As i gave and gave ,everything to people, they began to use me.
Then he’ d take out his beloved lump hammer ,show it to the kids.
But it wasn’t much.
He took out the hammer, and explained again, how the smallest tap ,of this hammer would kill me in a second.
As i said though i will be 64 on my last birthday!
Due to the real legacy of trauma (B.P.D)
I forgave my father, and i took care of him ,until his death in 1999..my mum left us on the 29th Jan 1998.
It comes from Big T Trauma and is no fault of anyone who has it.
It will be my last birthday ,as im dying of a brain tumor and 8 other autoimune diseases.
I will be 64.
Especially a lifetime of it.
She was a women, a mother with her own children!.
A line in front of him, from the eldest to the youngest.
He weighed in at 5 lbs .I was the second born, and i weighed 3 and a half pounds.
Those are used to try and block the pain, like that of my life out..
Mine was extreme ,and lasted 19 years
We born here on earth , for the soul to learn , the contrast, of heaven.
My mum and dad in the seventies!
My only sister also couldn,t make her life work.
Ive learnt so much.
He did pay me though, i made him (.After i’d trudged miles to get his pension ) Before ,it all was gone, over the pubs counter!
I write beautiful poetry .
My family never makes their pension either.
And if you hold on to hate you only die inside yourself,!
She died young (from the stress and abuse of Big T Trauma) of liver cancer!
And as runt ,of the litter .Which of course, i actually was!
5 of us kids, and it wasn’t a big house.
Also my liver and lungs are fatally diseased!
I immediatly know and see what their chidhood was. I tell them you had a awful time in childhood.
She got all dolled up, but it looked as she was dressed up to play the part of , Florence Nightingale ,as she descended down the cottage stairs ,like a Queen.
Was to survive, this bastard.
He call us down, from where ever he stashed each one of us ,that day ! We were kept seperate.!
We were all going out this night to a fancy resteraunt.
I was 9 years of age.
And i lived it daily.
I only knew my twisted world , and there, is no choice for a child but to live in it. Or Die in it!
I couldn’t, believe it.
For him, I cleaned and cooked and shopped, and spent the whole day, doing a weeks work) in the only day off, i had, besides Sunday.)
My mother wasn’t a tactile women ..only as babes could she touch us. After we grew ,she couldn,t touch any of us.
I was grabbed out of my mother hung upside down, and rushed up to the prenatal ward, to spend 4 mths alone, with, only medical staff.
He resisted the act ,that day.
She was deluded, and thought she could stay on for the reminder of the holiday!
Because , i didnt have the heart to hurt my friend.!.
Put me off passion for life!!
It was going to be , some day.
And who doesn’t know suffering?
What did i know ?
I might have to go back 30 generations or more..
He isn,t a very sexual person at the best of times!
Her first husband, had been a gay man ,and he was a lovely person.
I think the readers, may guess!
I ended up cooking for her, and bringing her eveywhere with us.
That life, was meant to be , as the world teaches us great lessons, and leaves us many gifts.
I only stopped writing poetry recently, because , of my brain tumor
As i do to all so called friends.?
My twin will have involuntary pissed himself, but not me at least not, that day!
Although we always gave her a kiss on the cheek. She would shrink away from it!
I watched his eyes light up and his twisted smile rejoice, in his joy of it all.
He knew the spot.
She was in good health!
Im dying but, im not bitter.
She died at 55 of colon cancer.
Then later on when my husband had gone to the bar..she started telling me, that they where having a affair, and that he loved her much more then me ,and other loads of visious lies.
We were not on the streets..
He said i’d end up like her, and he laughed his big rolicking bear of a laugh!
He’d bring us out ,and we would form the position .
Do all the shopping, and cooking and look after all the dogs.
Where the ultimate outsiders.
I had offered the whole expense of the holiday to her, free.
She stayed with him because she thought he,d grow out of it. He didn’t of course!
This is how, and why children get BPD.
Being very nice and never wanting to say the wrong thing.
I know ,a lot about trauma.
Because huge Trauma like mine is alive.
Even in the coal hole, i said the lines in my head..
Anyway ,i could never hold on to a relationship.
Another so called friend had bit the dust..
I could never make a relationship work though!
Ther’s very good reasons why i was left alone.
We could never speak unless he spoke to us!
Its a big thing in the States for the last 25 years.
Youll pack your bags and leave Dorset.
I was the most vunerable of my siblings. I was born small ,and was sickly ,and of course none of us could ever thrive!
He was a brick layer (when he worked at all) and he carried his tools around ,hanging from a money belt.
Would this be the day?
I said to her
So i became my fathers slave and he hated me the most.
I wasn’t taught any boundries, our home ,was like any war zone , and Dad told us, he had bodies buried, under the floor boards.
I worked then as a chef ,and a very good one.
And don,t forget my 4 months alone, in the incubator. Knowing my brother in the womb and my mother voice .The baby knows she’s alone!
She found it foreign!.
The coal was sharp, and i usually had no underware! So my bare arse ,was cut and rossened on the coal..
She loved him until the end.
.I left my 2 sons and my husband to do it. Instead of spending the day with them
I was scared of men, in general
All the time i was locked up.